Guffaw!

Received this from two different sources yesterday, one email and one posted to the Hometown Forum on AR15.com.

Posted to Craig's List Personals:

To the Guy Who Mugged Me in Downtown Savannah

Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

It probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you came from with that brown stinking sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex 900 numbers from your cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and since I've only had the phone for a little over a day, I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.

About your pants. I was a little rough on you when you did this attempted mugging, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I hope that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

- Alex

One guy on Arfcom said he had received the same thing two years ago, but another said he had examined the Savannah, GA, Craig's List and found a post there with the same number; this message was gone, but there was a "response" posted.

Please note that

1. I make no claims that this is for real.
2. I do not recommend mugging your mugger.
   

Defending yourself is one thing, taking the other guy's stuff away in the process is another. (Okay, smashing his cell, maybe. If you have reason to believe he might have some friends he can call to help him exact his revenge. Taking it and running up his bill? Buying stuff on his cards? Not wise.)(OTOH, calling his Mama was funny.)