I'd like to buy...

...the guy or guys (and/or gal or gals) responsible for this a Guiness or three:

What is best in life?: [h/t to The Weasel King]

TRINITY COLLEGE Dublin says it is taking seriously an incident in which a profile page, complete with image, was inserted on its website for a fake staff member named "Dr Conan T Barbarian".

His full title and academic qualifications were given as: "Dr Conan T Barbarian, BA (Cimmeria) PhD. (UCD). FTCD (Long Room Hub Associate Professor in Hyborian Studies and Tyrant Slaying)."

His profile indicated he had been "ripped from his mother’s womb on the corpse-strewn battlefields of his war-torn homeland, Cimmeria, and has been preparing for academic life ever since.

"A firm believer in the dictum that 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger', he took time out to avenge the death of his parents following a sojourn pursuing his strong interest in post-colonial theory at the Sorbonne."

The profile went on to say Dr Barbarian completed his PhD, entitled "To Hear The Lamentation of Their Women: Constructions of Masculinity in Contemporary Zamoran Literature" at UCD and was appointed to the school of English in 2006, "after successfully decapitating his predecessor during a bloody battle which will long be remembered in legend and song".