Whether you want it or not...

This one is all over the Intardt00bz:

Please accept with no obligation, implicit or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with total respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, and their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

Additionally,

A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, sexual orientation, political disposition, country of origin and choice of smart phone, tablet device, gaming console, and computer platform of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is either revocable or limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This greeting void where prohibited by law.

Always a crowd-pleaser, that one. 

Or, as Michael Z. Williamson said recently on Facespace --apparently channeling Roger Zelazny:

May the god, goddess or other deity of your choice, or none at all, bless, curse or completely ignore you, as is appropriate to your belief system or lack of same, in accordance with your wishes, or theirs, or as blind chance may dictate.