Saturday, July 26, 2014

You know how I know?

If your first reaction to this photo was "Blackberries! Yum!", that right there is definitive proof that you have no blackberries growing on land you maintain.*

*Void where blackberries are cultivated for profit. I think.


Jerry The Geek said...

I bought a house. It had a small blackberry shrub in the back lawn ... and a HUGE one along the back fence.

My wife said "YUM" and eagerly looked forward to all the blackberries she could eat.

Year two: the blackberries started taking over the lawn, and the back fence. I put my foot down and started The Battle of the Blackberries! Tore them out root and branch.

Year three: Didn't get all the roots. Started all over. Dug out half the yard and all the back fence.

Year four: Poison. Contemplated fire, but couldn't find a blowtorch big enough to keep up with them

Year five: Wife said "I miss the black berries, can't we keep just SOME of them?"

Year six: I quit chopping at the cute little vines.

Year seven: the blackberries take over the back yard, the back fence, and are sneaking up on the house from its 'blind side'.

Year eight: Full court press! "Root and Branch" are a weekly chore.

Year nine: We are divorced.

Year ten: I sell the house. Buyer's wife says "Blackberries! Oh, YUM!" (I snicker, and cash the check before I move out.)


D.W. Drang said...

Kill them with fire.

Or maybe nuke 'em from orbit.

AuricTech said...

It could be worse. Unlike kudzu, at least blackberry brambles produce tasty fruit.